Pillar 3: Lead Through Service

We are all responsible for contributing to the well-being of others. Why is serving others an essential moral competence? Think back to the biological origins of morality. We come into the world programmed to be interdependent. We would not be around today if our earliest human ancestors had not huddled together to help their fellow tribespeople survive. If we do not work to serve others, we fail to act as morally intelligent leaders. Serving others is, in fact, a great way to show integrity and to encourage others to model it in other words, to lead by example.

Suppose you do not buy the idea, that interdependence is innate. It still makes sense to actively care about the well-being of others. Here is why: We all value personal happiness. We want to be happy even though we know it is a self-centred motivation. For most of us, the happiness we seek does not happen in a vacuum. Happiness is hard to come by without help from others. Most of us need others to help us be happy.

Service is important, but serving others serves us at least as much. "Every time I've done something for others, it's given me a better feeling about myself. When I help family or friends or even charities, I actually have stopped and asked myself if I'm really serving others or if I'm just being selfish."

Ignoring the needs of others keeps us from experiencing genuine pleasure. For most people, lasting happiness comes from activities that give us a sense of meaning and purpose, such as serving others. Recent studies on longevity have found that serving as a volunteer with some worthwhile organization adds years to our lives (not to mention life to our years).

Accepting responsibility for serving others is also a secret weapon for leaders who want to promote high performance among their workforce. To make their businesses successful, leaders need committed employees. One of the best ways to encourage people to unleash their creative energy in service to their company is for their leaders to serve them. Employees do not need to be coerced into doing their best work for your organisation. People have an inherent and insatiable appetite for personal growth. Left to their own devices, employees will spontaneously contribute to your organization as their way of growing and succeeding in life. That is why leaders do not need to impose goals from on high. Much of the time and effort companies devote to complicated performance management systems are unnecessary. When we serve our employees, we send them this message:

“I know that what you are capable of producing is far greater than what our company needs to succeed. So, my opportunity as your leader is to serve you as you do what you want to do, which I already know goes beyond what I need from you. My goal is to serve your needs and help each of you be as successful as you want to be and help you get out of life what you want. If I can help you accomplish what you want to do, then I know our company will do very well. I do not have to focus on the numbers. I must focus on you and all our people. Then the numbers will be fine. Because, together, our people will perform better than our financial targets require. I know that serving you serves the bottom line.”

We grow more personally when we are giving ourselves to others. The moment we give/serve we find our relationships improve and deepen.

According to Covey:

“It has generally been my experience that the very top people of truly great organizations are servant-leaders. They are the humblest, the most reverent, the most open, the most teachable, the most respectful, the most caring.”

Jim Collins, in his book “Good to Great”, described the highest, most pure form of leadership...

"The most powerfully transformative executives possess a paradoxical mixture of personal humility and professional will. They are timid and ferocious. Shy and fearless. They are rare- and unstoppable… good to great transformations don’t happen without level five leaders at the helm; they just don’t."

Being of Service

At the heart of the nurturing process is genuine concern for others. When you hear the word nurture, what do you first think of? If you’re like most people, you probably envision a mother cradling a baby. She takes care of her child, protecting him, feeding him, encouraging him, and making sure that his needs are met. She does not give him attention only when she has spare time or when it is convenient. She loves him and wants him to thrive. Similarly, as you try to help and influence the people around you, you must have positive feelings and concern for them. If you want to make a positive impact on them, you cannot dislike, despise or disparage them. You must give them love and respect. Or, as human relations expert Les Giblin puts it, “You can’t make the other fellow feel important and your presence if you secretly feel that he is nobody.”

You may be wondering why you should take on a service role with the people you want to influence, especially if they are employees, colleagues or friends-not family members. You may be saying to yourself, “isn’t that something they can get somewhere else, for example, at home?” The unfortunate truth is that most people are desperate for encouragement. And, even if a few people in their lives build them up, they still need to become a nurturer to them because people are influenced most by those who make them feel the best about themselves. If you become a major nurturer in the lives of others, then you have an opportunity to make a major impact on them.

Check and recheck your motives as you help and encourage others. Don’t be like a little girl named Emily. Her father, Guy Belleranti, was driving the family home from church one Sunday when the five-year-old girl said, “When I grow up, I want to be like the man who stood in front.”

“You want to be a minister?” asked Emily’s mother.

“No,” said Emily, “I want to tell people what to do.”

Your goal is others’ growth and independence. If you nurture others but allow them to become dependent on you, you are really hurting them, not helping them. And if you help them because of your desire to meet your needs or to heal the hurts of your past, your relationship with them can become co-dependent. It is not healthy to try to correct your personal history by reliving it vicariously through others.

One: Service Through Faith in People

People rise and fall to meet your level of expectations for them. If you express scepticism and doubt in others, they will return your lack of confidence with mediocrity. But, if you believe in them and expect them to do well, they will go the extra mile trying to do their best. And in the process, they and you will benefit. John H. Spalding expressed the thought this way: “Those who believe in our ability do more than stimulate us. They create for us an atmosphere in which it becomes easier to succeed.”

If you’ve never been one to trust people and put your faith in them, change your way of thinking and begin believing in others. Your life will quickly improve. When you have faith in others, you give them an incredible gift. Give others money and it’s soon spent. Give resources, and they may not be used to their best advantage. Give help, and people will often find themselves back where they started in a short period of time. But give them your faith and they become confident, energized, and self-reliant. They become motivated to acquire what they need to succeed on their own. And then later if you share money, resources and help, they’re better able to use them to build a better future.

Believe in them Before they Succeed

Everyone loves a winner. It is easy to have faith in people who have already proved themselves. It is much tougher to believe in people before they have proved themselves. That is the key to motivating people to reach their potential. You must believe in them first before they become successful and sometimes before they even believe in themselves. French writer and moralist Joseph Joubert said, “No one can give faith unless they have faith. It is the persuaded who persuade. You need faith in others before you can persuade them to believe in themselves.”

Some people in your life desperately want to believe in themselves but have little hope. As you interact with them, remember the motto of French World War 1 hero Marshal Ferdinand Foch: “There are no hopeless situations; there are only men and women who have grown hopeless about them.” Every person has seeds of greatness within, even though they may currently be dormant. But when you believe in people, you water the seeds and give them the chance to grow. Every time you put your faith in them, you are giving life-sustaining water, warmth, food and light. And if you continue to give encouragement through your belief in them, these people will bloom in time.

Emphasize their Strengths

The best way to show people your faith in them and motivate them is to focus your attention on their strengths. According to the author and advertising executive Bruce Barton, “Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe something inside them was superior to circumstances.” By emphasizing people’s strengths, you’re helping them believe that they possess what they need to succeed.

Praise them for what they do well, both privately and publicly. Tell them how much you appreciate their positive qualities and their skills. Anytime you can complement and praise them in the presence of their family and close friends, do it.

List their Past Successes

Even when you emphasize people’s strengths, they may need further encouragement to show them you believe in them and to get them motivated.

Not everyone has the natural ability to recognize past successes and draw confidence from them. Some people need help. If you can show others that they have done well in the past and help them to see that their past victories have paved the way for future success, they’ll be better able to move into action. Listing past successes help others believe in themselves.

Instil Confidence When they Fall

When you have encouraged people and put your faith in them and they begin to believe they can succeed in life, they soon reach a critical crossroads. The first time or two that they fail-and they will fail because it is a part of life-they have two choices. They can give in or go on.

Some people are resilient and willing to keep trying to succeed, even when they do not see immediate progress. But others aren’t that determined. Some will collapse at the first sign of trouble. To give them a push and inspire them, you need to keep showing your confidence in them, even when they are making mistakes or doing poorly.

One of the ways to do that is to tell them about your past troubles and traumas. Sometimes people think that if you are currently successful, you have always been that way. They do not realize that you have had your share of flops, failures and fumbles. Show them that success is a journey, a process, not a destination.

Experience Some Wins Together

It is not enough just knowing that failure is a part of moving forward in life. To really become motivated to succeed, people need to believe they can win.

Winning is motivating. Novelist David Ambrose acknowledged this truth: “If you have the will to win, you have achieved half your success; if you don’t, you have achieved half your failure.” Coming alongside others to help them experience some wins with you gives them reasons to believe they will succeed. And in the process, they sense victory.

To help people believe they can achieve victory, put them in a position to experience small successes. Encourage them to perform tasks to take on responsibilities you know they can handle and do well. And give them the assistance they need to succeed.

Visualise their Future Success

We heard about an experiment performed with laboratory rats to measure their motivation to live under different circumstances. Scientists dropped a rat into a jar of water that had been placed in total darkness and they timed how long the animal would continue swimming before it gave up and allowed itself to drown. They found that the rat usually lasted little more than three minutes.

Then they dropped another rat into the same kind of jar, but instead of placing it in total darkness, they allowed a ray of light to shine into it. Under those circumstances, the rat kept swimming for thirty-six hours. That’s more than seven hundred times longer than the one in the dark! Because the rat could see, it continued to have hope.

If that is true of laboratory animals, think of how strong the effect of visualization can be on people who are capable of higher reasoning. It’s been said that a person can live for forty days without food, four days without water, and four minutes without air, but only four seconds without hope. Each time you cast a vision for others and paint a picture of their future successes, you build them up, motivate them and give them reasons to keep going.

Expect a New Way of Living

German statesman Konrad Adenauer observed; “We all live under the same sky, but we don’t all have the same horizon.” As an influencer, you have the goal of helping others see beyond today and their current circumstances and dream big dreams. When you put your faith in people, you help them to expand their horizons and motivate them to move to a whole new level of living.

Two: Service Through Listening to People

Listening Shows Respect

Psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers said: “Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.” Whenever you do not pay attention to what others have to say, you send them the message that you do not value them. But when you listen to others, you communicate that you respect them. Even more, you show them that you care. German-born philosopher-theologian Paul Tillich commented, “The first duty of love is to listen.”

A mistake that people often make in communicating is trying very hard to impress the other person. They try to make themselves to appear smart, witty or entertaining. But if you want to relate well to others, you must be willing to focus on what they have to offer. Be impressed and interested, not impressive and interesting. Poet-philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson acknowledged, “Every man I meet is in some way my superior and I can learn from him.” Remember that, and listen, and the lines of communicating will open.

Listening Builds Relationships

By becoming a good listener, you can connect with others on more levels and develop stronger, deeper relationships because you are meeting a need. Author C. Neil Strait pointed out that “everyone needs someone who he feels really listens to him”. When you become that important listener, you help that person. And you take a significant step towards becoming a person of influence in his or her life.

Listening Increase Knowledge

Wilson Mizner said, “A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.” It’s amazing how much you can learn about your friends and family, your job, the organisation you work in and yourself when you decide to really listen to others.

One common problem, as people gain more authority, is that they often listen to others less and less, especially the people who report to them. While it’s true that the higher you go, the less you are required to listen to others, it’s also true that your need for good listening skills increases. The farther you get from the front lines, the more you must depend on others to get reliable information. Only if you develop good listening skills early, and then continue to use them, will you be able to gather the information you need to succeed.

Listening Generates Ideas

Fresh, innovative ideas help us to find new ways to solve old problems, generate new products and processes to keep our organisations growing and continue growing and improving personally. Plutarch of ancient Greece asserted, “Know how to listen and you will profit even from those who talk badly.”

When you consistently listen to others, you never suffer from a lack of ideas. People love to contribute, especially when their leader shares the credit with them. If you give people opportunities to share their thoughts and you listen with an open mind, there will always be a flow of new ideas. And even if you hear ideas that won’t work, just listening to them can often spark other creative thoughts in you and others. You’ll never know how close you are to a million-dollar idea unless you’re willing to listen.

Listening Builds Loyalty

A funny thing happens when you don’t make a practice of listening to people. They find others who will.

On the other hand, practising good listening skills draws people to you. Karl Menninger, psychiatrist, author and one of the founders of the Menninger Foundation, said, “The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward and we want to sit in their radius.” Everyone loves a good listener and is attracted to him or her. And if you constantly listen to others, valuing them and what they have to offer, they are likely to develop a strong loyalty to you, even when your authority with them is unofficial or informal.

How to Listen

Step 1: Look at the Speaker

The whole listening process begins with giving the other person your undivided attention. As you interact with someone, do not catch up on other work, shuffle papers, do the dishes or watch television.

Set aside the time to focus only on the other person. And if you don’t have the time at that moment, then schedule it as soon as you can.

Step 2: Do not Interrupt

Most people react badly to being interrupted. It makes them feel disrespected. And according to Robert L. Montgomery, author of Listening Made Easy, “It’s just as rude to step on people’s ideas as it is to step on their toes.”

People who tend to interrupt others generally do so for one of these reasons:

• They do not place enough value on what the other person has to say.
• They want to impress others by showing how smart or intuitive they are.
• They are too excited by the conversation to let the other person finish talking.

Step 3: Focus on Understanding

Lawyer, lecturer and author Herb Cohen, emphasized, “Effective listening requires more than hearing the words transmitted. It demands that you find meaning and understanding in what is being said. After all, meanings are not in words, but in people.”

To increase your understanding of others as you listen, follow these guidelines offered by Eric Allenbaugh:

• Listen with a head-heart connection.
• Listen with the intent of understanding.
• Listen for the message and the message behind the message.
• Listen for both content and feelings.
• Listen with your eyes – your hearing will be improved.
• Listen to others’ interests, not just their position.
• Listen for what they are saying and not-saying.
• Listen with empathy and acceptance.
• Listen for the areas where they are afraid and hurt.
• Listen, as you would like to be listened to.

As soon as you put yourself in the other person’s position, your ability to understand will increase. And the greater your ability to understand, the better listener you will become.

Step 4: Determine the Current Need

The ability to discern the other person’s needs now is part of becoming an effective listener. People talk for so many different reasons: to receive comfort, to vent, to persuade, to inform, to be understood or to relieve nervousness. Often, people talk to you for reasons that don’t match your expectations. A lot of men and women find themselves in conflict because they occasionally communicate at cross-purposes. They neglect to determine the need of the other person now of interaction. Anytime you can determine the current need of the people you are communicating with, you can put whatever they say into the appropriate context. And you will be better able to understand them.

Step 5: Suspend your Judgement

Have you ever begun listening to another person tell a story and started to respond to it before he or she was finished? Just about everyone has. But the truth is that you can’t jump to conclusions and be a good listener at the same time. As you talk to others, wait and hear the whole story before you respond. If you don’t, you may miss the most important thing they intend to say.

Step 6: Ask Questions for Clarity

If you want to become an effective listener, become a good reporter; not a stick-the-microphone-in-your-face-and-bark-questions-at-you reporter, but someone who gently asks the follow-up questions and seeks clarification. If you show people how much you care and ask in a non-threatening way, you’ll be amazed by how much they’ll tell you.

Three: Service Through Understanding

Knowing what people need and what is the key to understanding them. And if you can understand them, you can influence them and impact their lives in a positive way. If we were to boil down all the things we know about understanding people and narrow them down to a shortlist, we would identify these five things:

Everybody Wants to be Somebody

There isn’t a person in the world who doesn’t have the desire to be someone, to have significance. Even the least ambitious and unassuming person wants to be regarded highly by others.

Nobody Cares How Much you Know Until he Knows how Much you Care

To be an influencer, you must love people before you try to lead them. The moment that people know that you care for and about them, the way they feel about you changes.

Showing others that you care isn’t always easy. If you want to help others and become a person of influence, keep smiling, sharing, giving and turning the other cheek.

That is the right way to treat people. Besides, you never know which people in your sphere of influence are going to rise and make a difference in your life and the lives of others.

Everybody Needs Somebody

Contrary to popular belief, there are no such things as self-made men and -women. Everybody needs friendship, encouragement and help. What people can accomplish by themselves is almost nothing compared to their potential when working with others. And doing things with other people tends to bring contentment.

Everybody needs somebody to come alongside and help. If you understand that, are willing to give to others, help them, and maintain the right motives, their lives and yours can change.

Everybody can be Somebody when Somebody Understands and Believes in Them

Once you understand people and believe in them, they really can become somebody. And it doesn’t take much effort to help other people feel important. Little things, done deliberately at the right time, can make a big difference.

When was the last time you went out of your way to make people feel special as if they were somebody? The investment required on your part is totally overshadowed by the impact it makes on them. Everyone you know and all the people you meet have the potential to be someone important in the lives of others. All they need is encouragement and motivation from you to help them reach their potential.

Four: Service Through Enlarging People

Author Alan Loy McGinnis observed, “There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being; to help someone succeed.” Helping others enlarge themselves is one of the most incredible things you can ever do for them.

See Their Potential

Unrealized potential is a tragic waste. And as an enlarger, you have the privilege of helping others discover and then develop their potential. But you can’t do that until you see their potential.

Olympic gold medal swimmer Geoffrey Gaberino summarizes it this way, “The real contest is always between what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing.” Whenever you look at people, you desire to enlarge, try to discern what they can do. Look for the spark of greatness. Watch and listen with your heart as well as your eyes. Find their enthusiasm. Try to visualize what they would be doing if they overcome personal obstacles, gained confidence, grew in areas of promise and gave everything they had. That will help you to see their potential.

Cast a Vision for the Future

When you cast a vision for others, you help them see their potential and their possibilities. And when you add to that vision your faith in them, you spark them to action. The great British statesman, Benjamin Disraeli, declared, “Nurture great thoughts for you will never go higher than your thoughts.” Help people have great thoughts about themselves and they will begin to live like the people they can become.

Tap Into their Passion

As you look for others’ passions, go beyond the surface of their daily wants. Look deep within them. Harold Kushner perceptively wrote, “Our souls are not hungry for fame, comfort, wealth or power. Those rewards create almost as many problems as they solve. Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter so that the world will at least be a little bit different for our having passed through it.”

Once you discover their passion, tap into it. Show them how it can activate their potential to the point that they will be able to realize their vision for their lives. Passion can help them make their dreams come true. Passion is the fuel that helps people nourish and protect their dreams.

Address Character Flaws

As you explore how you can help others enlarge themselves, you need to address any character issues they may have.

Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenges and controversy.” Your goal should be to help the people you are developing to stand strong the midst of challenges. But you must start with the little things.

Help others learn to conduct themselves with integrity in every situation and they will be ready to grow and reach their potential.

Focus on Their Strengths

Instead of focusing on weaknesses, pay attention to people’s strengths. Sharpen skills that already exist. Compliment positive qualities. Bring out the gifts inherent in them.

Enlarge Them One Step at a Time

Ronald Osborn noted, “Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” To enlarge others, help them take growth steps that stretch them regularly without overwhelming or discouraging them.

For each person, that process will look different. But, no matter where people are from or where they are going, they need to grow in certain areas.