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Assertive Communication
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Communicating assertively means expressing clearly and calmly what you want without either being passive too aggressive. Learning to communicate doesn't guarantee you will have your needs met but it makes it more likely, and it can improve relationships with other people.
| Thinking your needs don’t matter at all. | Recognising that your needs matter as much as anyone else’s. | Thinking that only your needs matter. |
| Give in. | Compromise | Take. |
| Not talking, not being heard. | Talking and listening. | Talking over people. |
| Trying to keep the peace. | Making sure things are fair, for you and others. | Looking out for yourself. |
| Allowing yourself to be bullied. | Standing up for yourself. | Bullying others. |
| Not saying what you think, or not saying anything. | Express your point clearly and confidently. | Can lead to shouting, aggression or violence. |
| Damages relationships, other people respect you less. | Emphases relationship, other people know where they stand. | Damages relationships, other people don’t like aggression. |
| Damages your self-esteem. | Builds your self-esteem. | Damages other's self-esteem. |
Tips for Communicating Assertively
Use “I” statement.
Be clear and direct:
"l would like you to give me a refund."
"I think what you have done is good, but I would like to see more of…"
Describe how another person's behaviour makes you feel.
This makes other people aware of the consequences of their actions:
"When you raise your voice, it makes me scared… I would like you to speak softly."
"When you don't tell me what you are feeling it makes me confused."
Stick to your guns - the broken record technique.
This involves thinking about what you want, preparing what you say, then repeating it as necessary:
I would like a refund… Yes, but I would still like a refund… I've heard what you have said but I still want a refund.