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Neutral Communication Vs Loaded Communication – Transactional Analysis
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Transactional Analysis (TA) is the analysis of interactions between two persons in terms of what Eric Berne called “ego states,” namely, Parent, Adult and Child.
These ego states have nothing to do with one’s age or situation in life, such as being a parent or being a child. The purpose of the analysis is to recognise which ego state one is in and the consequences this has for the quality of the communication being analysed. The Adult ego state, whilst not being ideal for every moment of one’s communication pattern, is nonetheless the best for a great many communication situations.
Click here to view a video that explains neutral communication Vs loaded communication by means of Transactional Analysis.
Parent Ego State
In this state we use the words, facial expressions and body language associated with parent roles, replaying tapes we heard many times as a child. The opinions expressed by our parents were accepted as the truth and as law and we absorbed them for replay for the rest of our life. There are two Parent roles:
- A nurturing parent who is enabling and caring
- Critical parent, who is prescriptive, full of “should’s” and “must’s,” and rules and regulations.
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Verbal Clues |
Non-Verbal Clues |
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How many times do I have to tell you …? You must … You should … I don’t want to see this again … Why did you do that? Don’t do that again |
Pointing/wagging finger Shaking one’s head Hands-on hips Clicking of the tongue |
Child Ego State
There are also two child ego states:
- A natural child who is fun-loving, laughing, playful and wants to be admired
- A defiant child who is whining, complaining and manipulative
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Verbal Clues |
Non-Verbal Clues |
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Baby language I wish Give me Watch me Come and look I want Why can’t I have |
Tears Pouting Giggles Happy laughter Playing and playfulness Shaking lip |
Adult Ego State
This state is the most conducive to level-headed discussion. The key to keeping your temper and being in control of a difficult communication encounter is to recognise which state each of you is in and to try to stay Adult. The Adult ego state makes decisions after having taken time to reflect on the information, without jumping to conclusions or insisting on having your own way. In Adult, you deliberately and consciously remain cool and rational, even if tempted to give way to impulsiveness, spitefulness or rudeness.
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Verbal Clues |
Non-Verbal Clues |
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How do you feel about it? What would you say would be the best to do? I’m not able to go along with that idea. Would you find benefit in discussing this problem? What other options can we think about? Is there another way to look at this? |
Eye contact Relaxed Listening attentively Quietly confident Reassuring |
Example 1:
Example 2:
Example 3:
