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Techniques To Deal With Emotional Reactions
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Active Listening Technique
Active listening is tuning into both content and feelings. You’re listening with your eyes, ears and emotions; noticing body language and tone of voice; refraining from judgement; empathising with the speaker’s feelings. You are participating actively – with both your words and your non-verbal actions.
Focusing
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Verbal Clues |
Non-Verbal Clues |
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Eye contact |
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Leaning forward |
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Stopping other activities |
Encouraging
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Verbal Clues |
Non-verbal Clues |
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What do you feel would make a difference? |
Nodding your head |
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OK. So how do you see it now? |
The positive tone of your voice |
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Uh-huh. And then? |
Silence while he formulates his thoughts and words |
Suspending Judgement
Suspension of judgement is about developing the ability to observe judgements (your own and those of others) from a neutral position, remaining detached and non-reactive. Why is this skill essential in active listening? No one likes to feel judged. Judgements shut down conversations and inhibit creative thinking. They undermine the very atmosphere that is required to encourage people to open up about causes of conflict and misunderstanding. Judgements limit our ability to listen.
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Verbal Clues |
Non-Verbal Clues |
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No problem, just say how you see it. |
Not jumping in with good/bad opinions and comments |
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We’re not passing judgement on anything; we’re just finding out what happened. |
Facial expressions are neutral but attentive |
Reflecting Feelings
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Verbal Clues |
Non-Verbal Clues |
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You feel unappreciated because … |
Eye contact |
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Would you say you feel frustrated about this? |
Attention on the other |
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You feel over the moon because … |
Smiling or anxious, as appropriate |
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Would you say you’re feeling uncomfortable about it? |
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Reflecting on feelings shows you have detected and can express how the person feels. The benefits of reflecting feelings are that:
- The person feels that you understand both the content and the feeling behind the content.
- It reduces defensiveness.
- It defuses emotional situations by helping the person calm down and devote energy to problem-solving.
Click here to view and download a handout that contains a list of feeling words.