Style 2: The 'Pushover' Negotiator

Click here to view a video on how to negotiate decently without being a pushover.

Now, if you were uncertain how you felt about being ‘tough’, you are probably saying that one should never be a ‘pushover’. Well let’s see…

Their Beliefs, Goals and Success Criteria

The pushover negotiator will believe that friendship and a good (or at least calm) relationship are more valuable than the deal itself. Some might therefore describe these people as ‘nice’, having real discomfort with conflict which they will actively seek to avoid. They are trusting of others and will need considerable evidence to believe otherwise they are likely to be resigned to getting little of their wants and needs – they may not even ask, let alone persist, in trying to secure them, because, they believe, others’ needs and wants take precedence. They would consider themselves lucky to achieve their ‘bottom-line’.

The outcome: The other party gets what they want and need – they will win. Inherently, that means I will lose.

Their Cultural Fit

Here they would try to do ‘the right thing’ by seeking to adapt to others’ cultures, even at the expense of their own. This is not to say they will not make cultural mistakes – just that they would be unintentional and, when discovered, prompt profound apologies.

Their Words and Voice

They don’t usually say a lot! The words they might use are apologetic, deferential and concessionary: ‘I’m sorry to interrupt you – you must be busy’ or ‘whatever you think is best’. Their voice will be quiet, soft-spoken and possibly faltering.

Their Body Language

Let’s consider some of the possible body language of the ‘pushover’ negotiator:

• Personal space differs according to how well they know the other party – they might get physically close to someone they feel emotionally comfortable with but keep strangers at a distance.
• They are unlikely to make much eye contact or look directly at others.
• They are quite likely to let others choose their seat first and then accept being told where to sit. They would seek to avoid the ‘head of the table’.
• They do listen – to discover whether the other parties are happy – but may not necessarily understand (nor ask for clarification).
• Pushover negotiators typically show some form of discomfort or lack of confidence in their body language.

Their Tactics

Since they tend to follow where others lead, their tactics tend to be reactive rather than proactive. Their range of available tactics is therefore limited, but would include:

• Silence and/or play on their naivety. This is their most natural tactic and can, on occasion, reveal some information from the other parties which might otherwise remain hidden.
• Lack of honesty (in that they will not communicate what they truly need and want for fear of upsetting someone).
• Appealing to the other’s better nature – if they have one!
• The sob story – the tears – the apologies – the begging.
• Inflating the importance of anything that helps them ‘save face.

Again, we will consider later the most appropriate way of responding to such tactics.

The Upside… and the Downside

These people will be regarded by many as ‘good’ people. Others will get what they need and want and thus be happy to negotiate with them again in the future. The negotiation itself will be unlikely to negatively escalate, because the relationship is all important.

Sometimes it can pay in the long term – pushovers earn ‘favours’ by their style and it may be reciprocated in the future (but there is no guarantee).

Ironically their style also can have an intimidating impact on others. Since a pushover might seek to avoid negotiation, it can make a tough deadline even more difficult to achieve. As a result, they might get all sorts of concessions without even turning up to the negotiation!

On the downside:

• The pushover typically gets little – if anything – of what they need and want.
• Others might look down on them or take advantage and could therefore be greedy in their demands – knowing the pushovers will concede.
• Others can get impatient or frustrated at the pushover for not saying what they want or mean.
• The pushover’s lack of confidence and/or self-esteem is likely to be reinforced by each negotiation – making it harder for them in the future.

When is being a Pushover Appropriate?

So, all this might make you think that being a pushover is never appropriate. Well:

• Would a government ever seek a negotiated agreement to a border dispute by conceding territory to avoid a war?
• Would a manufacturer ever agree to take on a loss-making contract merely to keep the workforce occupied?
• Would a retailer ever sell anything as a loss leader in the hope of attracting customers into their stores?
• Would you ever respond to a need or want from a loved one even though you have neither the time nor the money?

So, there will be occasions when being a pushover is right – perhaps when it is the lesser of two evils (as with the first three scenarios above) or when the importance of the relationship outweighs anything else (as in the case of loved ones).