Twelve Guidelines to Collaborative Negotiations

Click here to view a video that explains tips for negotiating agreements.

Rule 1: Parties, Not Opponents

Do not refer to negotiation parties as "sides" or "opponents".
It merely reinforces (wrongly) that there is a battle to be won – you should work together to resolve the issue to be negotiated.

Rule 2: Set the Ground Rules

Before a negotiation starts, consider setting ground rules. These might include timekeeping, staying respectful or how discussions will be structured.

By stating the rules mentioned in this module at the start of a negotiation, you can pre-empt the potential use of many tactics.

For example: I knew I was to negotiate with someone whose goal was always to offer less than they were prepared to pay and then be ‘reluctantly’ forced higher in exchange for concessions from me. To alleviate this, I started the negotiation by saying: ‘Can we be clear about our approach to this negotiation? Should I double what I want so you can beat me down or should I just declare what I believe to be a reasonable basis for agreement?’

His face was a picture of surprise! He then covered up his apparent awkwardness by laughing and said, ‘let’s both be reasonable, shall we?’ This saved much grief and time and we concluded a reasonable agreement as a result.

Rule 3: Benchmark the Negotiation

This is an extension to rule 2. When you think that one or more parties intend to state unreasonable needs and wants, it can be useful to ‘benchmark’ the negotiation.

Benchmarking is a comparison of the similarities and differences between two situations.

Start by looking at negotiations which were based on reasonable needs and want. Compare these to the negotiation you are currently involved in that is hindered by one or more parties making unreasonable demands. Those negotiations don’t even have to be on the same subject – just have some common ground that can be compared. This comparison should provide a means of making reasonable progress.
Seek agreement that all parties should be reasonable in identifying their needs and wants.

Rule 4: Know your Authority

You should not enter any negotiation unless you know exactly what your authority is (and what it isn’t). State this authority upfront to avoid others seeking to negotiate with someone else in your organisation from whom they might think they can get a better deal.

Rule 5: Explore Needs and Wants, not Demands

This often refers to as position-taking or making demands.

When faced with position-taking, always focus on what interests (their needs and wants) underpin that position.

For example: “We will not settle for less than a 10% pay increase” can be responded with: “I hear that – can you tell me on what basis you are making that demand?”

Note: Do not repeat their position (it suggests some level of agreement); yet do seek to understand what lies behind their position.

Rule 6: Isolate Strong Emotions

We said previously that negotiations have emotional needs and want. When you believe that strong emotions are influencing a negotiation, they must not be ignored.

Strong emotions should be acknowledged before tangibles are negotiated.

Empathising with the emotions that are probably felt by other parties can help to diffuse a situation. Furthermore, it helps to acknowledge your own emotions at the same time.

Then seek to agree that everyone will put their emotions aside to ease what must be a nonetheless challenging negotiation. However: Realistic emotions will still arise.
When opening a negotiation, agree on how emotions can be managed – perhaps by asking for a ‘time-out’ without explanation or comment from the others.
If the emotions still inhibit progress, consider introducing a mediator or arbitrator.

Rule 7: Challenge Sweeping Statements

Challenge stereotyping, generalisations or stubbornness.

For example: Challenge ‘All you people are stupid’ with ‘I disagree, such comments do not add anything to this discussion – wouldn’t you agree?’

Challenge ‘Your products are too expensive’ by ‘I believe that we are competitive – but I am happy to look at any specific examples you can give me.’

Challenge a blatant ‘No’ with ‘what, never? Surely there are circumstances when …’

Rule 8: Ask for Specific Evidence

Do not allow vagueness in negotiations. If you have any reason to doubt what you are being told, ask for the evidence. For instance: ‘That really surprises me. I haven’t heard it before. Can you tell me where I can look that up for myself?’

This is a direct challenge. It will work for a collaborator if you allow the other party to side-step the challenge (if they want to) and move on to other issues.

Rule 9: Do not Antagonise or Insult

When you know someone is lying to you, it is so tempting to call them a liar – but don’t.

No matter what is said, avoid making personal attacks.

Rule 10: Stay Calm yet be Persistent

Sometimes we want to lambaste someone for their total stubbornness or blatant stupidity. But, stay calm no matter what happens! And remember the key to successful collaboration is being persistent.

Rule 11: Step Towards Agreement

This is a process by which you ask a series of logical questions which are always worded to engineer ‘yes’ answers. On the fourth or fifth question, you should be ready to ask the real question to which you want them to say ‘yes’. (They will find it difficult to say ‘no’ after their sequential series of ‘yes’ answers).

For example: if we are faced with stubbornness during a financial negotiation following a divorce, we might ask the following questions, each stimulating a ‘yes’ answer:

‘Would you agree that this is a fairly emotional process?’

Answer: Yes

‘Would you also agree that it would be much better to get an agreement you can both sign up to rather than have the courts impose a solution?’

Answer: Yes

‘Is it fair to say that an agreement is not feasible without understanding the perspectives from both sides?’

Answer: Yes

‘So, you have to agree that all the needs and wants need to be identified to move on?’

Answer: Yes

This is called a ‘stepping agreement’.

Stepping agreements are very useful for a wide range of negotiating tactics.

Rule 12: Be Honest

Some people think they are convincing liars – so convincing that they start to believe themselves! There is, however, no substitute for honesty if all parties need to be able to look back favourably at negotiation with the benefit of hindsight. Being honest includes:

Saying ‘no’ when appropriate.

If you are asked something which is totally unacceptable, then say ‘no’ – waffling around a refusal suggests you will concede the point.

It is now up to you to decide which style (and supporting tactics) is most appropriate for any specific negotiation.