Characteristics of Assertive Body Language

Eye Contact

Is a prerequisite for effective communication. It makes one feel more assertive, and reduces feelings of aggression (on both sides).

Appropriate use:

Not too little or too much (staring).

Maintained when an assertive statement is made.

Inappropriate use:

Too little may be regarded as passive.

Too much may be seen as aggressive.

Note: If eye-contact is broken when assertive statement is made, the impact will be reduced.

Distance or Personal Space

A 0,5m to 1m space is an acceptable social distance.

Appropriate use:

Moving closer slowly, while making a point, may be perceived as assertive.

Inappropriate use:

Seen as aggressive - distance less than 0.5m or moving closer rapidly.

Seen as passive - distance more than 1m or increasing distance.

Posture

An upright position (not rigor mortis!), communicates the message of assertiveness.

Appropriate use:

Maximally Assertive Position

An asymmetrical position, e.g. arms and legs not rigidly in the same position, relaxed or carefree attitude, spontaneous hand gestures.

Inappropriate use:

Passive or Aggressive Position

A symmetric position of limbs, e.g. arms at sides, standing to attention or clenched fists.

Gestures

Assertive people move their hands. Assertive expressions are further accentuated by hand signals.

Appropriate use:

Culturally acceptable gestures are arm movements beneath the shoulder.

Inappropriate use:

Passive Gestures - Hands held in one position.

Aggressive Gestures - Sudden, rapid, big gestures (especially above the shoulders).

Facial Expressions and Head Movements

There must be compatibility between facial expressions, head movements and verbal messages.

Inappropriate use:

Nodding your head while saying “no”.

Smiling while saying something negative.

Touch

An important component of assertive behaviour, especially in intimate relationships. It may increase the effectiveness of the message.

Appropriate use:

Using touch to reduce the impact of a negative message.