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Basic Steps in Assertive Behaviour
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Assertiveness training is not a:
- Magic wand which makes everything right, but it can help you to be yourself.
- Guarantee that you will always get what you want, but it will make you feel good about yourself.
Objective
The end-objective of assertive behaviour is to negotiate and to achieve a mutually-acceptable solution.
There are a few basic steps to be followed in the negotiation process. This may be applied successfully to deal with conflict or resolve difficult situations.
Steps to Communicate Your Expectations or Negative Feelings
If you follow these steps, you will be able to communicate your expectations or negative feelings briefly, specifically, and in a non-judgmental manner:
|
Step |
Action |
|
1 |
Listen to what the other person is saying. |
|
2 |
Empathize: Try to understand their feelings. Give acknowledgement. Example: “I understand that you are angry”. |
|
3 |
Obtain clarity about the issues. Remember: Ask if you do not understand. |
|
4 |
Be specific. |
|
5 |
Stick to the facts. |
|
6 |
Stick to the point. Note: Be careful not to be distracted. |
|
7 |
Make “I” statements instead of “you” statements. |
|
8 |
Say how you feel. |
|
9 |
Say what you require/expect. |
|
10 |
Negotiate a mutually acceptable solution. |
Explanatory Statements
The following are tools for assertive communication:
- I… (see/hear/feel/detect)…
- You… (X)… do/say
- It makes me feel… (rejected/unhappy/angry/etc.)
- I should appreciate it if you could rather…