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Refusal
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Definition
To refuse is the ability to say NO when you find it necessary without having feelings of guilt.
Possible Result
There is always the possibility that if you refuse someone something, the person:
- May feel hurt
- Will try to convince you
Types of Refusal
To refuse assertively means that you can offer an explanation if necessary, but never an excuse. There is a difference between a reason and an excuse:
|
Type of Refusal |
Definition |
Example |
Acceptable or Unacceptable |
|
A Reason |
A reason is a fact which, should it change, would also change your response. |
I cannot help you because I am busy (that is, if I was not busy, I would have helped you). |
Acceptable |
|
An Excuse |
An excuse is a reason given. The “reason” is only an excuse to justify your refusal. |
I cannot help you because I am busy; but if you were not busy you still would not do it. |
Unacceptable |
Caution
Beware of excuses! They make you feel bad about yourself because you know you are not assertive. You can also easily fall in a trap.
Example: When you say that you cannot help because you are busy, the person can always say that he will come back as soon as you have finished. This places you in a difficult position, since “you were busy” was not the actual reason.