Self-Talk

Scientists are telling us that we generate about 60,000 thoughts a day. From the moment your brain goes ‘on line’ in the morning to meet another day, one billion cells begin the business of human life – thinking, feeling, remembering, deciding… Our minds endlessly engage in what psychologists refer to as ‘self-talk’. We are mostly not aware of it but there is a constant dialogue going on deep inside the heads of each of us. We are the only species to act in this way. ‘What are we saying to ourselves’? If our self-referent messages take on a critical and negative tone it influences our moods and ultimately our levels of stress. It may not be far-fetched to say that you can think yourself into stress. Brain scientists have discovered that for every thought there is a corresponding chemical reaction in our brain. So, for example, anxious thoughts give rise to anxious molecules; sad thoughts give rise to sad molecules.

Dysfunctional Thought

Stress and anxiety are often the result of distorted, dysfunctional thinking. Here are some examples of dysfunctional thinking:

Catastrophising and awfulising. Something small goes wrong in arrangements and you immediately predict that the rest of the holiday will be a disaster.

Should’ ‘aught’ and ‘must’ statements. ‘I must be the best in everything I do…’ ‘I should never be in a bad mood…’

Disqualifying the positive. Like a mental filter. You reject everything positive that happens, insisting that it doesn’t count.

Jumping to conclusions. You make a negative interpretation, even though there are no facts to support the conclusion. Your boss does not greet you with a smile and you immediately jump to the conclusion that he is angry with you for some or other reason.

Over-generalisation. You experience a single negative event such as being rejected for a date you over-generalise and say, ‘I am always being rejected by women …’

All-or-nothing thinking. You see things in black-and -white categories, e.g. ‘I am either a great success or a failure…’

Mental filter. You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively. ‘‘Somebody spilt some wine on my dress and spoilt a lovely party…”

Magnification or minimisation. You overemphasise your faults and minimise your desirable qualities.

Emotional reasoning. You assume that negative emotions reflect the way things really are, i.e. ‘It feels like this depression will never end, therefore it must be so.’ Or, ‘I’m scared of flying therefore it must be unsafe.’

Labelling and mislabelling. This is an extreme form of over-generalisation. Instead of saying ‘I made a mistake’, you say ‘I’m a loser.’ Mislabelling can be directed at others as well e.g. ‘He’s a jerk’. This leads to de-humanisation.

Personalisation and blame. You hold yourself personally responsible for an event that is not under your control, e.g. ‘My students fared badly in the examinations, therefore I must be a bad teacher.’ Blame holds the other person responsible, ‘My marriage is bad because my wife is demanding…’

How Do I Control Distorted Thinking?

Identify the specific distortion.

Replace each distortion with a more rational or realistic thought and note how you feel.

Become aware that your mind is engaging in negative thinking. Identify the self-defeating negative thought or self-statement. Then say out loud, STOP! STOP! Psychologists refer to this as ‘thought stopping’.