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Ways Leading Out of Conflict
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Conflict can be constructively resolved in many ways. For purposes of this course, we will focus only on two techniques to resolve conflict.
Applying Emotional Control
We’ve just mentioned above that conflict often is the result of our perceptions and values. We’ve explored the same concept in Personal Mastery, indicating that this tends to lead to negative emotions.
Should you feel upset about something someone has said, follow the five steps of emotional control indicated below.
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Step 1 Get in touch with your feelings |
(Refer to the list of emotions that will be handed to you) |
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Step 2 Describe the activating event |
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Step 3 Recognise the irrational thoughts |
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Step 4 Consider and choose |
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Step 5 Respond responsibly |
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Constructive Disagreement
We indicated above that you should respond in a responsible manner. The technique stated below indicates how one can respond to (potential) conflict by constructively disagreeing with what was said.
Constructively Disagreeing
If you don’t like the idea, say so in a way that does not close the conversation but, rather provides a way to keep it going. This has three elements.
Like: What I do like about your suggestion is…
But: What I have a problem with, however, is…
Move on: How would it work if…?
Example:
A lot of changes have taken place in your office. New equipment is coming in and space is at a premium. Bob has an idea about where to put a computer printer. He says: "Why don’t we put the printer in the training room? This place is getting too cramped to work in."
Jaco replies: "What I like about your idea is that it gives us some more useable office space. What I have a problem with is that it won’t be available if someone is using the training room. How would it work if we move some of these filing cabinets, which we don’t use much into the training room and put the printer in their space?"
Examples:
How would you handle the following scenarios:
1. Mary, who is the switchboard operator, finds the noise of the phone when it rings very grating and raucous and it gets on her nerves. She says “I can’t take the terrible noise of this phone any longer. I’m going to switch off the sound and just watch for the light to flash.”
What do you say?
Like: What I do like about your suggestion is…
But: What I have a problem with, however, is…
Move on: How would it work if...?
2. There are five people in an office for two because the new building you are all going to move into is not yet finished. John says: "It’s too crowded in here for me to work. I just can’t concentrate. There’s enough space in the corridor for me to put my desk there."
What do you say?
Like: What I do like about your suggestion is…
But: What I have a problem with, however, is…
Move on: How would it work if…?